A Grammy Resolution

I am so, so, so hardcore procrastinating doing my homework.  I blame this in part on my cold medications, in part on my nature, and in part on the Grammy Awards.  I’d like to make a suggestion for all future Awards Shows based on the groups at the Grammys.

WHEREAS the Grammy Awards now offer a nomination to everyone who has bothered to record his or her voice in any form — up to and including long voice mail messages and inadvertant cursing scenes on the set of a movie —

AND WHEREAS the only entertainment at the Grammy Awards is, therefore, to be found in the performances and the strange mash-ups of people on stage at any time

IT IS RESOLVED: That from now on, all award groupings should include at least one person who could kick the ass of everyone else involved in that category.

I thought of this rule when I heard that Coldplay and Kid Rock were up for an award in the same category, and I thought, how is that possible?  And then I realized…

versus

equals BLOODBATH.

 

I mean.  Coldplay dressed in multicolor Sgt. Pepper suits tonight.  They may look strong, but…

This also guarantees, I think, that either Sean Penn or Robert Downey Jr. will have to be nominated for Best Actor at the Oscars for the next ten years.  Don’t believe me on Downey Jr.?  Go here.  Dude could kill you with his shoulders.

(This resolution won’t have much effect on who wins, overall, but it might explain why Robert Plant and Alison Krauss won — tell me you don’t think Zepplin could take out Radiohead, in a purely physical encounter.  And no, Radiohead doesn’t get to bring the marching band to the fight).